omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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