This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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