And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
