1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
