I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize