Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My boob is missing a layer of skin
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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