My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
