dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Randomize
