are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
