Is it because I queefed?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
