I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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