She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
