I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
