Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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