just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize