she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
