I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
