im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
