Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
