There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize