If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
