just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
