fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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