I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
