I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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