I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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