How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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