I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I need a burrito and a hug.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
