2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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