You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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