Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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