Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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