Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize