i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
