i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
