i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
