so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
you made out with another girl for some wings
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
