I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
