Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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