chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Fuck appropriateness.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
