atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
