Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
