is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
