Non-Jews are for practice
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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