Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
