the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
do herpes really smell.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
why do cheetos always look like penises
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
