After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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