She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
