is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
