Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
