Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
