Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
