frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
