# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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