My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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