I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize