alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
