Just fell off a train. Bad.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize
