Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
