I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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