I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
