What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
PANTIES FOUND
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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