So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
