I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
