dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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