Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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