Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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