my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
