really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
