after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize