Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
