apparently the secret to your success is patron
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
