i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
