Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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