I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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