broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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