If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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