You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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